are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
