All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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