dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
