so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
