I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
