I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize