I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
