He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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