there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
