Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize