I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
