so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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