it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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