i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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