i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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