Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
