If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
