don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
