u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
