How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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