i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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