my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
