You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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