Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sext me about skeletons
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
