My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
