I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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