I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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