I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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