i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
