JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
