I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
