The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
