I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
