she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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