she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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