Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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