I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
