I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
