Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
