great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
