thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
