you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
