Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
