why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize