roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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