Just fell off a train. Bad.
so explain again why im purple
no
you guys were way drunker than both of me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
