I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
