He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
