hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
