she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Panties = found
Randomize
