hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
