Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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