i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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