AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
