He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
