I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
