I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize