I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
