Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
