Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
