Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
