you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
