I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
