Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
