We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
