Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I need to calm my uterus...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
